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faQ
Got a question? Send it to info@yankeechick.com.
My home state wasn’t even a state during the Civil War. Am I still
a Yankee?
Yes. A Yankee is any American who is not from Texas or the South. If you
need more of an explanation, that only confirms your Yankeeness. You just
don’t get it.
How long must I live in Texas before I can call myself a Texan?
You will never live in Texas long enough to call yourself a Texan. However,
if you have children in Texas and they have children in Texas, and they
have children in Texas, and they have children in Texas, and they have
children in Texas -- then your children’s, children’s children’s
children’s children can call themselves Texans.
Can my dream house really be that affordable?
Absolutely, but before you cough up a down payment, look around. Texas
is lousy with shockingly affordable dream houses, but they’re a lot
less dreamy when they’re not in a city or neighborhood that suits
you. Get to know your town before you buy.
Is there any culture in Texas?
Oh, for Pete’s sake, of course there is. Texas cities and even many
towns have museums, symphony orchestras, opera, theater, and dance companies,
art galleries (not all exhibiting bluebonnet paintings) and all other
cultural necessities. OK, so it’s not New York. But neither is Cleveland.
Do I have to like football to live in Texas?
No, but you will be left out of 8 out of 10 conversations. At the very
least, learn to throw a good football party. As long as you keep the beer
cold and the chili bowls filled, you can ignore the game without causing
offense.
Why does everyone drive like a maniac?
Because if God wanted Texans to drive the speed limit, He wouldn’t
have made speedometers that go up to 180.
Where can I get a decent pizza in Texas?
You can’t. You’ll have to grade on a curve.
What is that, Elmer’s Glue?
No, that’s called white gravy. It might send you running from the
table the first time it’s put in front of you, but before long you’ll
crave it on everything that doesn’t already have chili con carne
on it.
Do all Texans own guns?
Who knows? They’re concealed.
Can I get away with wearing a cowboy hat and boots?
Sure. Just remember: straw hat in summer, felt hat in winter. And while
Yankee chicks mostly prefer pointy-toed boots, round-toed ropers are the
preferred style of real Texas cowchicks. Also, real cowboys and girls
prefer Wrangler’s to Levi’s. That’s pretty hardcore, though.
Do I have to have big hair to live in Texas?
It’s not a requirement for entry, but you will find your hair enlarging
over time. It could be something in the water. Blondeness, too, is entirely
optional, but preferred.
Where can I get me one of them cute cowboys?
For the real deal, you’ll have to stake out the panhandle or West
Texas. To meet insurance salesmen in jeans, boots, and cowboy hats, learn
to two-step and hit the honky tonks.
Why do I need this book?
Because sooner or later, some gorgeous, blonde, long-legged Texas belle
is going to look at you with a big, dazzling smile and say, "Well,
bless your heart," and you won’t have the slightest idea what
that means -- unless you’ve read THE YANKEE CHICK’S SURVIVAL
GUIDE TO TEXAS.
The YANKEE
CHICK'S SURVIVAL GUIDE
To TEXAS is required reading for all YaNKee
chicks in TEXaS.
*buY
it noW through Amazon.com
or at bookstores in Texas
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