Got a question? Send it to firstname.lastname@example.org.
My home state wasnt even a state during the Civil War. Am I still
Yes. A Yankee is any American who is not from Texas or the South. If you
need more of an explanation, that only confirms your Yankeeness. You just
dont get it.
How long must I live in Texas before I can call myself a Texan?
You will never live in Texas long enough to call yourself a Texan. However,
if you have children in Texas and they have children in Texas, and they
have children in Texas, and they have children in Texas, and they have
children in Texas -- then your childrens, childrens childrens
childrens children can call themselves Texans.
Can my dream house really be that affordable?
Absolutely, but before you cough up a down payment, look around. Texas
is lousy with shockingly affordable dream houses, but theyre a lot
less dreamy when theyre not in a city or neighborhood that suits
you. Get to know your town before you buy.
Is there any culture in Texas?
Oh, for Petes sake, of course there is. Texas cities and even many
towns have museums, symphony orchestras, opera, theater, and dance companies,
art galleries (not all exhibiting bluebonnet paintings) and all other
cultural necessities. OK, so its not New York. But neither is Cleveland.
Do I have to like football to live in Texas?
No, but you will be left out of 8 out of 10 conversations. At the very
least, learn to throw a good football party. As long as you keep the beer
cold and the chili bowls filled, you can ignore the game without causing
Why does everyone drive like a maniac?
Because if God wanted Texans to drive the speed limit, He wouldnt
have made speedometers that go up to 180.
Where can I get a decent pizza in Texas?
You cant. Youll have to grade on a curve.
What is that, Elmers Glue?
No, thats called white gravy. It might send you running from the
table the first time its put in front of you, but before long youll
crave it on everything that doesnt already have chili con carne
Do all Texans own guns?
Who knows? Theyre concealed.
Can I get away with wearing a cowboy hat and boots?
Sure. Just remember: straw hat in summer, felt hat in winter. And while
Yankee chicks mostly prefer pointy-toed boots, round-toed ropers are the
preferred style of real Texas cowchicks. Also, real cowboys and girls
prefer Wranglers to Levis. Thats pretty hardcore, though.
Do I have to have big hair to live in Texas?
Its not a requirement for entry, but you will find your hair enlarging
over time. It could be something in the water. Blondeness, too, is entirely
optional, but preferred.
Where can I get me one of them cute cowboys?
For the real deal, youll have to stake out the panhandle or West
Texas. To meet insurance salesmen in jeans, boots, and cowboy hats, learn
to two-step and hit the honky tonks.
Why do I need this book?
Because sooner or later, some gorgeous, blonde, long-legged Texas belle
is going to look at you with a big, dazzling smile and say, "Well,
bless your heart," and you wont have the slightest idea what
that means -- unless youve read THE YANKEE CHICKS SURVIVAL
GUIDE TO TEXAS.
CHICK'S SURVIVAL GUIDE
To TEXAS is required reading for all YaNKee
chicks in TEXaS.
it noW through Amazon.com
or at bookstores in Texas