Tom and I are still sometimes surprised to realize how long we've been together. Somehow or other, we got this marriage thing pretty well figured out. Who knew we were capable?

I was thinking about this and herewith are

The Unofficial Rules of Our Marriage

1. Required: Politeness, i.e. please and thank you. Thank each other for cooking dinner and all other household chores. Treat each other as well as, or better than, we treat friends and strangers.

2. Required: Acknowledge when we’re taking work and other stuff out on each other. Pissiness is permissible from time to time, but if it’s inappropriately directed at the other, the target may object and the offender is expected to acknowledge and apologize. This rule does not apply to appropriately aimed pissiness—that then requires further discussion. (See Rule 8.)

3. Suggested: Cut each other slack and assume that unless something indicates otherwise, pissiness is the result of stress and should not be taken personally.

4. Suggested: Whoever is busiest and most stressed may expect the other to pick up some household slack for the duration.

5. Required: Each has the right to decline to participate in activities the other plans, however we also each have the right to specifically request the other’s presence when we feel it most important.

6. Suggested: Praise and strokes—you’re never too old. Be generous with both.

7. Required: Kisses at all hellos and good-byes and before bed.

8. Required: When problems arise, they are to be dealt with promptly and politely. Anger is permissible but fights must be fair and kind.

9. Required: Honest mistakes are forgiven without rancor.

10. Required: Sophie gets coffee in bed every morning. Hey, he started it…

I would love to hear the unofficial rules of others in long-term relationships.

Labels: marriage, personal growth, relationships